Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
