There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
