Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
