so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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