ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
