Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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