Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
