I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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