dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize