i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
