I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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