I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
