Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
