I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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