Pappa wants mamma naked
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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