About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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