I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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