Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
