Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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