Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
