we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize