I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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