She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My bed is full of blood and feathers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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