It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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