I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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