Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry about my life...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
