If i come over, it means nothing
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
