Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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