Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
