i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
