I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
