She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
