Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
