The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
