He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
