Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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