Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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