dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize