he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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