I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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