Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
