Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
