I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize