you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can tuck mytits in my pants
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
