hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
