Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
