be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
