just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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