I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
