Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
