All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
