New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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