what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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