I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
