just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
