I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
