Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize