Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
