Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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