Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
