apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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