Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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