i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize