i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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