her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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