yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
