do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
