I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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