Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
