It's like a parade of train wrecks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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